Matt used to think I was silly, but every year starting in January, I put away some money every month for the holidays. Come December we are not scraping up money for Christmas. It has always worked out so well. This month I hit 50% of my goal!

5 ♥

I did a lot of shopping today. We all needed some spring/summer stuff. Matt and Amélie needed new shoes, and I got my mom a birthday gift. Matt and I budgeted for this trip, but for some reason I feel guilty about it. We have had a tight budget for the past few years while Matt has been in school. I’ve always bought things on sale and my mother in law usually helped out with buying the kid’s clothes. This year, since Matt graduated and got a job, we did it all on our own. I haven’t gone shopping for all of us and spent this much money………ever. I’m not saying I went crazy, I got that bathing suit for just 24 bucks! But for some reason I still feel weird about it. I’m excited, but I guess I’m just still not used to having some extra cash.

3 ♥

I really need to accept that it’s going to be awhile before our life looks like how we want it to. Nice home, financial security and independence, a garden, a good job for Matthew, the ability to go on our own vacations and make the plans ourselves. We did things all wrong and kind of screwed ourselves so I need to accept that things are going to fall into place later rather then sooner. I really hope this trip we are trying to take for our five year anniversary falls into place. We have never gotten to go anywhere exciting together and on our own terms. I’ll be a little heart broken if it doesn’t work out.

2 ♥

Things that are bumming me out today:

I had an insane dream last night that I was running through the catacombs of a city at war trying to save my children and I got caught. They tried to take my children but I opted for us all to get killed instead of being tortured.
I have $90 to get us through the next 9 days, that includes grocery money and whatever else we might need.
I feel really disconnected from my friends.
I just started my period, this always bums me out.

0 ♥

Reasons why growing up sucks for me today

1. I did have a dry socket. The doctor had to put medicated strips of gauze in the tooth cavity which hurt like hell

2. Number 1 is going to delay my healing process.

3. I ordered some dresses from Modcloth this morning. I felt guilty this afternoon because we are trying to save money, plus really we don’t have money to be spending on dresses, so I canceled my order just now. I know its superficial but my heart kind of broke. I just want to be financially stable. I work my ass off everyday and don’t get a paycheck so it kind of sucks not being able to buy crap. But I guess my kids should be my biggest reward blah blah blah……

A word to the wise, don’t be a dummy and have kids when you don’t have money or financial security. It is going to take longer to get to that point if you rush things.

0 ♥